The Yellow Arrow

There are only two reasons we don’t get what we want in life.   We don’t know what we want and/or we don’t think we can have it.  I firmly believe it is as simple as that.  I’ve heard many people belabor the second part and have listened patiently as they’ve woven the intricate web that proves this point.  And, when they peel away all of the layers of stories they have told themselves about why circumstances are getting in their way, it still is as simple as they don’t think they can have it.  And, it can be a powerful limiting belief that prevents them from even dreaming about what they truly want.  After all, what’s the point of dreaming if you already know you can’t have it?  However, when you get right down to it, what’s the harm of wanting something just for the sheer delight of wanting it? 

And, knowing what we want can be a particularly daunting task.  Some of us have followed the desires of those around us for so long that we have begun to confuse their desires with our own.   Others of us have spent so much time listening to our inner voice of reason that we have totally abandoned our inner voice of desire. 

But let’s say you have finally given yourself permission to want something, what do you choose?  How do you discover it?  As I observed in my Camino experience, I have had moments of clarity in which knowing what I wanted became so powerful that it became a guiding force in my life.  And, like everyone, I’ve also had those other moments when I didn’t have a clue.  But, unlike many, when I am stuck, I have some tools that I go to for help and that I will share with you.

First, ask yourself, “What do I want?”  You’d be surprised how quickly you might get an answer.  When a question is posed, a synapse opens in the brain and it does not close until the question is answered.  Sometimes just opening the synapse enables the answer to surface.  If you don’t get an answer right away, try focusing your attention on something else.  The answer may come when you least expect it.  You know how things pop into your head when you are in the shower or when you just wake up. 

Next, I use some tools from Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way.  I particularly like these two:

Fill in the blanks as quickly as possible.

Archaeology, Round One, p. 34

• The lives I most yearned for as a youngster were
• The lives I gave up on by the age of twenty-one were
• If I’d had a “perfect” childhood, I’d have grown up to

Tool:  Imaginary Lives, p. 40

If you had five other lives, what would you really enjoy being?  Astronaut?  Scuba diver, brain surgeon, architect, pilot?  The point of these lives is for you to have a good time in them. 

The point of both exercises is to bring you back to what you truly love.  When I was a small child I wanted to be a ballerina, an actress, and the first female president of the United States (maybe I could still achieve the last one J ).  When I reflect on these roles I see commonality in some of my work today.  I still love to “dance” for a crowd.  Put me on center stage, and this is where I normally shine.  Public speaking is my favorite passion.  I love to share my ideas and others ideas with an audience.  And, I have to admit that I enjoy leading.  I like to point to a destination and inspire people to move in that direction with me.  I did not end up in any of the three roles, but the essence of what I loved about each one of them is a part of what I love in my career today.

So, quickly answer Julia Cameron’s questions and then take some time to reflect and ask yourself Why did I want to be a ___________?  What is the essence of that role that truly appealed to me?  What did I think I would get out of it?  What part appealed to my soul? 

When you have answered those questions, come back, I’ll be here.

¡Buen Camino!

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